MEANDER

Mythical images flash upon my vision–slowly replacing
Every piece of the painful reality
As I’m aimlessly driving my car to
Nowhere.
Deep thoughts invaded within my mind–
Ending the view of actual road scene.
Reverie’s found my way to escape from this stagnant world of mine.

Image: Lukas Žvikas
Writing Prompt: Sammi Cox
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ANATHEMA

I am an anathema.

To be one among the many illegitimate children and called a jinx is painful. How difficult it is being the fruit of two people who have already built their own families in the first place!

But accepted or not, I’m now searching where I really belong to even if I’m an anathema.

Image: Isabella maria
Writing prompt: Sammi cox

Did I really stop?

You’re too far to be reached with my bare hands. You’re too difficult to approach.

I’m so sorry. I already did my best to stop.

I stopped calling you when I realized that you’ll never pick up your phone because you already ignored me for so many times. Unanswered calls contribute unending thoughts and it’s slowly drowning me…

I stopped sending messages when I knew that all I have to do is to wait until you have seen it but unluckily, you haven’t. Unseen messages make me overthink and placed my mind to be in turmoil…

I stopped leaving a pink rose outside the window of your room when I noticed that day by day, you’re not picking those up. They’re all untouched and get withered. I just figured out that maybe, that’s the way how you show me that you’ll never appreciate my efforts in showing you ny affection.

I stopped stealing glances just to see your wide smiles because I have accepted the reality that I’m not the reason why you smile, that you can go out through the day without seeing me, while I can’t.

I stopped gazing the stars on the night sky even though they resemble your eyes. They’re too hard to be reached, like you. You are a star to me that’s why you’re only meant to be seen far away from my sight.

I stopped writing poems about you even though it’s too hard at first but I still tried. I know that my pieces would be nothing because in the first place, I’m just a nobody to you.

I stopped doing things that remind me of you so that I will forget you totally.

But even though I already stopped… my heart stayed stubborn and still beating continuously, shouting your name.

I stopped doing those things but I still don’t know how to stop loving you.

I couldn’t teach myself and at the same time, I couldn’t learn how to stop my heart from loving you.

I’m so sorry.

You and The Moon

You deserve someone who listens to you
Hears every word and knows what to do
When you’re feeling hopeless, lost and confused
There’s somebody out there who will

Somebody Out There – A Rocket To The Moon

Hey! How’s your day?

Did you still managed to form your lips into a smile even the morning you expected to go with the sunshine got dark and messy?

Woah! You’re really amazing!

You’re like the moon above. Have you seen it glowing despite the surrounding darkness? You may also be smiling behind your sadness.

If you have noticed, the moon has black spots — symbolizing scars. No matter when and how did they occur, scars from the gloomy past come back and your healing wound would be opened again.

The moon is supposed to be always with the twinkling stars in the night sky but haven’t you observed that when it rained, stars don’t come out often? The moon’s still there. You may not see it because the clouds covered it. From the sight of most, it have been vanished but the moon itself didn’t.

It’s the same with you. When your tears fell like drizzle, where are your stars? How many of them stayed by your side?

See? Your day maybe started like that way. You’re like drunk, and what you tried to drink awhile ago was the bottle full of your own emotions.

Your mind went in turmoil that’s why after the real fight, a war started raging inside you. Every bullet of word shot your heart — leaving holes. The knife of the dark past pierced you — leaving stains on your mind.

Take deep breaths.

Sit by the window, slide the curtain and look up. Gaze the galaxy and let it hypnotize you. Whether you would see it or not, it’s always been there. Remember, it can still glow after the rain without the stars and even the clouds made it hidden.

You probably had a bad day, but somebody out there’s wishing you a good night.

The Rising Sun

Mixed emotions occuring from dusk to the breaking of the dawn…
(CTTRO of the image)

When I saw the junction where the earth and sky meet, it tells me that I have to ride a bus and it’s also a command that again, for the nth time, I have to be with the annoyed passengers who are too eager to reach home or their destinations. I would wander on the road, let my eyes be blinded for a while by those towering city lights, let my hair be flewed by the cold breeze coming from outside to the open window of the seat where I am and let my mind be filled with thoughts that are heavy as the clouds during the past rainy season, until the bus stopped to give me a signal that I have to leave.

When the night falls, I always remove the watch from my wrist because I know that all of the numbers its arrows point will be the same tonight. Dark hours. Too dark that caused me not to be able to see the glow of the moonlight. I walked and walked without knowing where to go, until my toes felt a wet ground, then I realized that even if it’s not too deep, I am already drowning—in my own thoughts.

Perhaps, it’s just another illusion which is different from a dream that I’m expecting to have now… I’m tired, yet tiredness can’t lead me to sleep. It leads me travelling to somewhere inside my mind, creating wonderful sights I have never seen, taking myself to places I have never been.

For most, night time places them into peace and a time for rest but for me, it’s chaos. I’d rather go out and gaze the nightsky than letting my mind to be in turmoil whenever I am cornered by the cream-colored walls. And in that way, I’ll be in a temporary peace—blanked mind just like the sky with no stars and invisible moon. Maybe the clouds covered it, just like they did to my mind.

I would close my eyes and go deeper to the darkness until I can’t visualize anything. No other colors than black. And I won’t mind if there’s no birds singing. I’ll just appreciate the sound a cricket’s producing.

Then, I wouldn’t notice that time flew fast, a total opposite of what I thought.

As I opened my eyes, the sun comes up. It tells me that I have to go with it too. It’s a sign that the gloomy night have passed. The chaos within me is over.

There’s another day to welcome, another sunlight to send warmth to my frozen heart-the warmth that will melt the high walls that I built with coldness.

There it comes the rising sun…

Another Street

Another street to roam…
(Image: cttro)

I am supposed to be still on the same street now, but for some reasons, I turned to a different one.

This time, I’m roaming another street.

It’s not like the street I usually go down before. Not the plain sidewalk that continuously touched by every pair of shoes and the pavement that leads them to somewhere, me to nowhere nor the vandalized wall with no visible beauty on it. It doesn’t have smoke coming from the stalls of street food sellers nor the mixed scent of fragrance I’ve sniffed from the people I passed and also those who passed me.

Because everything has changed. And so, this place.

They’ve changed that’s why I have to. Or maybe, they’re the reason why I have changed. From strangers, we became friends and one day, we’re just acquaintances who turned back to being strangers again. Damn that cycle…

Even if it’s too hard, I’m teaching myself to adopt changes, small or big and luckily, I’m learning—slowly.

A Dreamer’s Bucket List

(THE TOP 5 COUNTRIES THAT I WANT TO VISIT)

To travel around the world – alone or with someone else… that’s one of the things that I want to do while I am still breathing, aside from the fact that I can manage to travel so far by means of daydreaming a lot or forming clouds inside my mind from the movies I have watched: imagining that I’m walking around the Emerald city, running along the woods until to the bridge of Terabithia and many more. That has already been included among the top ten on the day that I created my bucket list because I want to reach for my limits and jump over my boundaries. I want to freed myself. I want to break the big walls that I have built on my own.


Since I was young, I was already homebounded and as I grow, I noticed that I spent more of my time inside specifically, stuck staring at the four corners of my room or hiding behind the curtains and peeping by the window instead of going out to explore something different.

Back then, when my mom got involved in a vehicular accident, I learned to travel alone. I used to pack my things in a large backpack like I am going into a hike and as usual, will ride a bus full of strangers inside. Sometimes, I tend to think about them. Perhaps, some were already tired and too eager to reach their destination while the others would want to stay longer in the middle of the road just to forget something and honestly, I am both of the two kinds of strangers in a bus I figured out by observing.

So, I guess that’s enough for the dramatic intro. Moving on, there are reasons why I want to travel.

First, I realized that something has changed after that situation. Before, I hate the idea of travelling alone because of the expected feeling of being placed in a solitary moment but now, it is to be in freedom more. I want to experience the feeling of independence by travelling solo. I think travelling is an effective way that can make me better and cooler.

Honestly, I taught to myself that as an introvert, it will be too uncomfortable to talk to strangers but what I felt now is a way different. I am placed many times in a scene of a bus ride full of strangers and I feel more comfortable in opening up with the one who first approached me.

Lastly, I want to experience to be in a new place that could give me a strange sense of feeling – to be more adventurous – and would leave those unforgettable moments in my memory.

And because of those causes and reasons, I have ranked the top five countries that I want to visit one day.

The country that I want to visit first is the Iceland.

I want to see the Northern Lights or also known as Aurora Borealis which is one of the Iceland’s most famous attractions. It is my dream to witness the combination of lights dance around the sky during the bright summer months – a beautiful and elusive natural phenomenon. Iceland’s location on the top of the world made me believe that it is among the very best places on the planet. According to traveller’s guide, the mystical green lights seek out the very best nightly sighting thrill to see the astonishing astral show itself.
Just to add a little trivia and facts about my dream future travel destination, Iceland is situated just below the Arctic Circle, the summer nights are bright with 24-hour daylight from mid-May to late July. The summer solstice between the 20th and the 22nd of June, marking the time when the midnight sun, Iceland’s ethereal crown jewel, sets just after midnight and rise again just before 3 am. It is really amazing! Incomparable and too far away from my imaginations.

Who would not dream to see the mountain of Kirkjufell in midnight sunlight? Most of the travellers said that nothing compares for a solitary moment faced with the midnight sun in the middle of nowhere, and utilizing the endless days by going sightseeing late at night allows one to see Iceland’s strange landscapes from an unmatched perspectives and I hope that someday, I will be there. I would compile my photos in the land of ice and fire – Iceland’s glaciers and volcanoes – in a big and thick photo album.

Next to it is the country of Nepal. It is where the highest mountain on the world was located – Mt. Everest. I know that my dream’s too high. Could it happen someday? Will I be able to hike the Trek to the Base Camp? Will I reach the summit? When? I don’t know and the possibility is really low but I couldn’t stop from myself from dreaming…

Another is Korea, both North and South. I like the temples and their structure and also, to ride the last train to reach Busan. Sounds familiar, right? It would be a wonderful adventure if I’ll try to taste some of their foods, especially those spicy because I really love chili!

This place has a beautiful countryside and to be honest, I want to visit Korea as a place not the people. There’s nothing bad with Koreans but I don’t know why Kdramas, actresses and actors, and dancers were not able to get my interest.

Then, the fourth one is Norway. I’ve been wondering if how’s an overnight in one of the fjords there? With free scenic landscape views? It’s such a big dream and it would need higher hopes but surely, the experience would be priceless.

Last is the country of Japan. I want to go to Tokyo or Kyoto and even climb Mt. Fuji. Aside from its famous tourist spots, I think it would be relaxing if I’ll also have a walk along the road that would be like just ‘woke up on a paradise’.

Those are just five. There are still more places in my bucket list and I hope that one day, I’ll roam on those places around the world to introduce myself into all of the new. But for now, I’m still focusing on my journey.